I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
