I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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