Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
