i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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