her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
