Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Less talking, more tequila
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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