Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
