Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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