tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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