he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
