Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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