I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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