i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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