halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
