So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
