he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
