Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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