after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
