Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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