I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
