Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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