I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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