2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
