Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
