Me. At least after what I've been through.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
