you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
