Where is the hickey?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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