I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
