my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
pray to the hookup gods
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
