thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
