the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
me + whiskey = a bad person
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize