We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
