I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
