You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
