: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She needs sedatives and a leash
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
