Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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