No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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