I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just invented taco cereal.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
