I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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