so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
