I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
