Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
