My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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