conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
