Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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