The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you would pick up someone in the library
vagina is talking i cant
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
