I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
