their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
