Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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