he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
