Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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