my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
