You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
