You really coming over, don't trick.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize