Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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