We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
