you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
