dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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