she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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