there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You need Xanax blowdarts
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
