areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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