I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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