I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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