Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
