i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
