I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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