You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
