I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
