shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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