Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
