My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
