Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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