Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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