You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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