Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
In other news, I just burned my penis
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
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