Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
