I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I love you.
Bad choice
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
