omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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