Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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