I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize